Do Not Read This

well, obviously youre not heeding the advice given cos youre still reading it anw. ok, i got a feeling this is gna be a longgggg one. i was reviewing my previous few blog posts and realised they were mostly rant posts. posts tht are a lil too heavy-hearted. i feel ive been doing alot of deep thinking nowadays... oh well, blame it on my rhythmic everyday life -wake up->prep for work-->travel abt an hr to work-->9hrs@work(5hrs on fb-msn-daydreaming)-->travel abt an hr home-->eat.sleep- which gives me lots of time and space tht greatly facilitate my ponderings, or rather, reflections of life. my mind is constantly filled with so many uncertainties,maybes,what-ifs,shld-bes and decisions to make...its so overwhelming. im in my very chaotic state of mind now and i have simply no idea where/how to start pieceing them tgt,in an orderly manner. rrr is this a mid-life crisis or whatev? haha i suspect so. esp after im told im less of an optimist now and more grumpy twds life. i dont get how the systems come abt in life or in SG. why is it tht ppl says a degree is nth more than a piece of paper and all tht rlly matters is your capabilities and adaptabilities in the job but yet, everyone is competing for a space in uni? havent we all heard tht a bulk of the millionaires are school drop-outs w/o even a cert on hand? do we not want to be a millionaire? or we just have no guts to walk the unconventional route? why is it tht ppl cant rmb most of what they have learnt in school within years or even months after they have graduated and yet grades are so valued? i feel so sorry tht we are living under such monotonous and reigned-in lifestyles. everything seems to be moulded in a way tht we are all following the same path-a path tht leads to wealth and status;the journey shrouded with greed,selfishness,competition and lacking compassion. pardon my extreme pessimism; id probably get ungraded for GP writing in such gross generalisation haha. But see, its after As alr-who caresssss!? :P


As such, w.r.t to the above, im encrypting this to my brain and its to be tattoo-ed on my heart. This being the ability and determination to pursue what i rlly want/how i rlly want to spend my life;to avoid being a slave to money$;to lead a meaningful life filled with graciousness,appreciation and whole-heartedness. yes.


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i very much want to study abroad. i want to get out of SG and experience the world, out of my comfort zone-not the holiday kind of experience-but beyond. hmm howwwever, there are so many pros and cons to be weighed and other considerations like the financial expenses, the school, quality of the degree, lodging and most imptly, the independence required. im v reliant on my family and friends..so idk how ready i am to live,study,eat,sleep on my own. Not tht im gna be a loner and not make friends there, but itll be different...right? i want vibrancy and eye-openers in my university edu and i wonder if the local unis can provide tht though as good as they may sound to be on their websites, it may just be a good 3 whole years of mugging and doing pretentious contributions to the community :\ Actually, ive always look forward to attending the local universities. From primary school, ive thought tht everyone will go to a secondary school,then junior college and then NUS. did you think like tht too? haha now i know its not all tht simplified and this juncture of our lives seem to be like the crossroads and we are right smack in the middle of it. the only difference is tht crossroads have only 4 ways to go whereas we are faced with many. hmm...

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From the length of this post, you can tell how slack am i at work today. heheh. and wow. youre so patient to have read my large pool of ungathered thoughts till here. (: its funny how i used to hate wordy posts and ill just scroll all the way down till i see pictures but now i kinda like wordy thoughful posts tht make me think and let me have a glimpse of how others think. hmm, its good bcos i always read blogs in my office and picture-ful posts wld be too eye-cataching. lol. ill be gg to Dempsey Hills after work for dinner with the whisperers ♥
1/2 an hr more!

will you colour my tomorrows, like bright yellow meadows?